I don’t really know where I have been or what I’ve been doing. All I know is that I have been busy and lacking the creative energy to write anything for myself for a while. I don’t know why this is, perhaps I have turned a corner and the creativity that I had once is now gone forever, perhaps it will come back with the force of a tornado, ready to stamp out everything in its path, I don’t know, I truly don’t know.
I really hope that it comes back, even if it comes back like a stream at the start of its journey, that would be something that I don’t have now. I just want to write again, I know I am writing now, but this is different, this is very different. It feels as though I am starting again, that I am learning to write once more. Just when I got my own skill, I go back to square one and I must rewrite and rethink everything I have ever done. Perhaps I have changed or perhaps I don’t have enough thoughts anymore, perhaps my words are being taken by the other words that I have to write and there simply isn’t enough words in the world to write my own feelings on a page anymore.
I am worried, worried that this is it. Worried that I can do nothing to stop this. I don’t know what to do to stop this, apart from trying to write and not stop writing until I begin to become myself once more, just type and type and type, try to make some of the ground back that I have lost in these few weeks that have been so bare and Barron. I want to write and love to write, I have to write, to stay sane and happy, I mean, I used to anyway, maybe that has changed. I don’t know.
Only time will tell if I can get out of this slump and write like myself once more, who knows. Who fucking knows!