I am trying to think of something to write that is witty and I think that kind of takes the point of something witty. Being witty is something that just happens, it can’t be planned because it seems fake, doesn’t it? You know when someone planned a witty remark in response to your response to a story they said, makes you feel like your whole evening has been mapped out, just to get them to this story.
There are also people who use comedians jokes as witty remarks, oh yes dickheads, we know you do. It isn’t hard to figure out when you use some of the popular comedian’s remarks and retorts. It is so obvious, you know I know, I know you know and then you’ve made the night awkward because you can’t simply hail swears at me. Instead, you steal a witty joke off Lee Evans or Louis CK to try and shut me down. Yea, you shut me down because I am embarrassed to be in the same fucking room as you! I am embarrassed to be having a drink with you in public with everyone knowing that you just said a joke of a comedian to try and shut up my your mum joke that was drunkenly and wittily delivered.
Basically, I can’t write something witty because I am only witty on a full moon, like a werewolf but a witty wolf. Most of the time I just sit in the corner pretending not to care that someone has stolen a joke from a comedian, while secretly pulling my hair out. I don’t know how you can secretly pull your hair out, but it might have something to do with a mechanical hat!
Improv word: Witty.