Open for business

We’re open for business, come on down and see what there is to see. We have some shiny fucking crystal things that no one needs but they are shiny and they will look cool on your bookcase because no one reads books anymore yet you still have a bookcase because you’re a fucking idiot and need something to fill it up with.

How about an inflatable shark that is too small to ride and too big to be anywhere in your home? You can spend 3 hours blowing it up on the beach only to realised you’ll die if you use it. Only £40, while stocks last and we have 1,000 of them to give away.

vintage-1291644_1920How about a slightly used sex doll, two careful owners, one of which was a drain cleaner so the holes are nice and clean. The dolls name is Frank, it’s a girl but the owners wanted to be PC, it’s on sale now at the low low price of just £600, get it while you can! Just like us, this sex doll is open for business.

If you don’t like the sex doll, how about a porcelain doll? We have an assortment of dolls that are all really cheap because they remind most people of horror films and Satan. If you have a guest bedroom, this is the perfect thing to put in there so your guests get a good nights sleep. Only 7,500 available so act now to avoid happiness forever!

Improv word: Open. No idea!

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