Living in the wild

celebrating-1297376_1280I think living wild would be fun for a maximum of 10 minutes. As soon as I realised that I had forgotten the corkscrew, I would give up and go home. I watch people on YouTube who make it look very comfortable and easy but these are professional people who teach others to do it. The pupils are either people who would like to grow skills from the past out of interest or people who think the world is going to end and we call these people, fucking mental!

Yes, the world is going to end one day, life has ended on the earth a bunch of time and it will happen again but you have to be fucking deluded to think that you will survive. To survive, you would have to do something fucking spectacular as a mountain-sized meteor, hit the earth and vaporised everything, I don’t think ducking in that situation is going to help much.

I think the people that just want to learn to live in the wild are cool though, they aren’t doing anyone any harm. If they hunt, at least they are only killing one animal rather than millions like the meat industry, am I right! The people that make it their hobby to go out into the great outdoors and live wild and collect wild food is amazing to me. They are in touch with the people that got us to this stage of our evolution and I think that’s cool.

frog-897418_1920I could never live wild, though. It pains me to say this but I couldn’t live without the creature comforts that I know and understand! How would I watch skate videos and drink wine or get killed a shit load of times on Call of Duty? None of that is possible in the wild, you actually have to survive and I barely remember to feed myself a microwave meal! I’d be dead in seconds from a splinter!

Improv word: Wild.

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