Being safe always means wearing something, doesn’t it! – oh, yep you know where this is going – wearing a hard hat, a shiny bright yellow vest, a helmet, a helmet for your helmet. Everything you do in life to keep safe means putting something on that you didn’t have to put on to get the job done. Don’t start getting fucking filthy in your brain now, there is nothing sexy about someone building a house, not every building site in the world is a diet coke advert, calm the fuck down!
Safety is a weird thing because none of us want to do our jobs unsafely. Well, maybe there are some people who are having a bad day, but most of us want to be safe so we can go down the pub later or get back home to our knitting, if you are now thinking of builders knitting in a high vis and their hard hat, we are on the same wavelength, this doesn’t mean good things for you!
The reason for this safe world is very simple. We have to keep fucking idiots alive. But why ginger man, what is the reason for this? Well, I’m glad you asked young reader! Abba of course! Oh shit, no sorry, money, money, money. If a dumb person dies, the company in charge of keeping that dumb person alive needs to pay money to the dumb person’s family. This is why health and safety people were invented, not to keep you safe for your own wellbeing, well, sort of that as well, I guess, because the less time you spend off work, the more money you can make the company. Business is fun!
We live in a pretty safe world now, speed limits, no drink driving, no operating heavy machinery when taking drugs, all that shit may sound boring but it’s to keep dumb people from killing people. Our world is safe because we keep dumb people alive because we are nice people. The world is safe because we are nice.
We are one of only a few animals on earth that do this, most animals let the dumb die and then eat them and fuck the eye hole. Us and Killer Whales don’t do this – there might be more, I’m not David Attenbourgh – we keep people alive because we can, because we don’t live in a world of survival of the fittest anymore. We live in a world where dumb people can make companies money just by turning up and not breaking anything. I refuse to go into which jobs these dumb people do because I don’t want to offend any other people today!
So, basically, our safe world is safe because of the dumb and our attitude towards the dumb. Our society operates by setting rules for the weakest of the community and everyone having to accept them. Enjoy this knowledge while you are on your home tonight and could be going 100mph but instead, you are going 30 because some dumb fucker demolished a house with their car on the road you are on.
Improvise word: Safe. I thought I would try this one again.