Surviving tiredness

I sit here surviving on 2 and a half hours sleep in the last 30, my brain as usual in these moments is more awake than ever and is I feel heavy with so many thoughts it is hard to pin one down long enough to discuss it within the very mind it so freely wanders, the reason for me being up so long without sleep in of uninteresting circumstances, having not being able to sleep due to a medical problem I am sure is connected to a more long term medical problem, however uninteresting as these facts are something interesting must come out of them of that I am sure and if only my brain could hold one of these thoughts down it might produce that interesting thing that I am searching for. However, I fear that all these ideas may well be lost in the sleepless state of knowing and not knowing and dreaming while not sleeping and floating while sitting. I crave sleep but none can come until there is purpose for it, until the time of night comes when it would be right to do so.

So I here still sit without purpose peering into the nothingness in front of me hoping for an idea to stick and to be able to explore it. The reason for me writing this is because there is no reason at all, just simply writing to find what lies within the lines, nothing of importance I fear, only a good account of what my brain is doing as this very moment and indeed how it copes sleeplessly.

The speed of which this nonsense flows out of me is like I have found what I have been searching for my whole life and now nothing will stand in its way until it is all out upon this page and only then will my fingers stop typing these words, for it is my fingers which are doing all the work my mind is doing none of it, of course it is but it’s not, it feels as if I am writing this without any plan or thinking as I am sure is evident.

I can feel the words stopping and there is nothing I can do about it, nothing more to say or write, just an outburst of a normally inwardly thinking man thinking outwardly, tiredness kills, tiredness awakens you, tiredness gives birth to you.


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